The Little Mermaid
Watch Time: 20 minutes
“This movie isn’t good because of the sharks. Sharks are scary because they might bite me. The little fish knows how to swim and wait for sharks. The little mermaid doesn’t know nothin’. You know what would make this movie better? Cranes. They could lift the sharks out of the water. Yeah, cranes would make it better.”
Miracle on 34th Street
Watch Time: 25 minutes
“This movie is probably not very good because it just has Santas and children and mamas and daddies and sleighs and snowmen. I’m not very interested in those things because I like excavators and frontloaders. Why is there just one Santa? Did the other ones die?”
Thunderbeast: National Geographic Special
Watch Time: 1 hr
“This movie has bison in it just like Ted’s Montana Grill. I don’t like that it doesn’t have any equipment but I do like that it has bisons.”
Toy Story 3
Watch Time: 1 hr
“This movie is good because it has a grappler that the space aliens call ‘the claw.’ And there’s a piggy bank that turns into a pig airplane. What’re they saving up for? A grappler?”
Tron: Legacy
Watch Time: 4 minutes
“What is this? Some kinda grown up movie? Well, it’s not very good, is it.”
Peter Pan
Watch time: 30 min.
“The problem with this movie is that there’s lots of people and boats but no equipment like frontloaders. Is Captain Hook bad? Why is his beard so long? He’s gonna kill somebody with that hook.”
Born to Be Wild 3D
Watch time: Entire film (while occupied with popcorn)
“The hyena bit off the baby elephant’s tail. But it’s ok, they can fix it.”
The Sound of Music
Watch time: Scenes with goats-3 hours, scenes without goats-only long enough to realize there are no goats.
“I only like the odelay-odelay part. The other parts aren’t good because they don’t have goats. The parts without goats are for adults or somethin.’”
Beauty and the Beast
Watch time: 30 hours (the 3ft Movie Critic never tires of it)
“Gaston needs a mama to keep him out of trouble.”
Merry Christmas from the 3ft Movie Critic!
